Posted by: Jenny | May 12, 2007

A week later.

Here we are.  Things aren’t great all the time, but they aren’t bad either.  D has been very supportive, and towards the end of the week I went back to work and I had two finals.  I was a little over 11 weeks along, and this has been a experience unlike any thing I have known.  To miss something that you didn’t even know, to mourn an idea of a person and not have ever met them.

Anyway like all events like this do, it has put things in perspective, and I am working on getting healthy and happy to be pregnant again in a while.  It also helped kick me in the ass to see that although being pregnant with Ben wasn’t a cake walk, look what I got at the end.  This fabulous little person who I would do anything for.  So I can be sick for 9 months that is ok.  We do want another baby, and I will go all the pregnancy ills gladly, and much more happily this next time.

It has also put into perspective stress at work.  It isn’t brain surgery, and if every one would play nicely and honestly, and communicate it would go so much more smoothly.  So I am continueing down my own particular path, doing what I can to be nice and honest, although the two sometimes don’t work well together.  But it is all I can do, and I won’t be at this job for the rest of my life, so I will just do the best I can.  And learn to leave work at work, and not constantly check email, or think about solutions at home, just enjoy my family.

Luckily my mom could come down that night, and our wonderful babysitter bolted over to take care of Ben so D could come and be with me while they were doing tests.  I really appreciate people putting the rest of their lives on hold to just be there for us.  It also amazed me how just the presence of your mom can make things better, nothing fancy just being there.

So now we get to that akward stage where some people have heard from others we are pregnant, so they congratulate us…and where I am in the limbo of feeling weird that some act like nothing happened, and fragile enough that I can’t talk about it with others that don’t know what to say either.   Anyway, thanks to all that thought of, prayed for, and helped.

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Responses

  1. I read this to Dad (because his e-mail is on the fritz I don’t know who fritz is) we both thought you did an awesome job explaining how you feel. not having experienced this. We think you are wonderful and we love you a great deal. Love Mom

  2. I’m glad to see you are blogging again. I can’t imagine how things are for you, but I know you guys will work through it. Let me know if there is anything I can do to help. Or you know just hang out and stuff.

  3. Sending you positive energy and good thoughts.

  4. You have my deepest sympathy. I lost a baby because of an ectopic pregnancy and what you say about the idea of a person is so true. It’s very hard to explain how something like this makes you feel, but you said it well. Even years later, I still think about what might have been. I wish you healing.


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